Really?

I remember the first time this happened to me: someone apologized to me for not having any children of my own. I remember at the time thinking that I felt especially grown up about it, like the first time someone calls you “ma’am”. My ex and I were looking at houses and the couple who owned this house was there and showing us around. I think she may have been pregnant as well. She was pointing out the many great things about the house for young kids and she asked me if I had any children. I said no, of course. And then she reacted in a way I did not expect. She said, “Oh, I’m so sorry!” And it was very emphatic. Really? Is it such a terrible thing that I don’t have any children that you have to take pity on me? It’s not as if I just told you I have a terminal disease.

This same thing happened to me twice this week, but in the context of significant others. I was at lunch with people from my training class and they were talking about their others. One girl was a newlywed and obviously enjoyed saying “my husband”. Then one of them turns to me and says, “You’re being awfully quiet. Are you married?”

I said, “No. That’s why I’m being quiet”.

The newlywed practically shrieked out, “Oh no! New subject! New subject! I’m so sorry”.

Really? Is it that bad that I’m single? Really? Sure I want to meet someone and be in love and all that, who doesn’t? But it most certainly does not call for pity if I’m not with someone at the moment. My life can be fulfilling without a partner, thank you very much. And for the record, they did not change the subject.

When I got back to Portland I went out for Fuad’s last day and got caught in a conversation with two women who started talking about their significant others and how lucky they are to have found them and how they were so glad to not be on the market anymore. I wasn’t adding much to this conversation and one of them turned to me and said, “I’m sorry. This must be so boring for you.”

Really? Just because I’m not married doesn’t mean I can’t comprehend what it means to have a fulfilling and long-lasting relationship. And, again, I can have a fulfilling life without a partner, thank you very much. Everyone has to be single sometime, people! It’s not the end of the world. Really.