I don’t know what you’re going to do with that.

I did my grocery shopping today. Normally I make a point to cook all my food from scratch. I don’t like using boxed or canned foods when I can avoid it. Therefore, I generally do my shopping at New Seasons since their produce and meats are quality, and that’s about all I buy. But I had some other non-food groceries I needed to pick up and I did a Fred Meyer run. I really, really hate going to the Fred Meyer by my house. The parking lot is atrocious and it’s always crowded and full of generally annoying people. There were a group of drunken and very loud middle-aged men going on a beer run walking behind me today. It was pretty awesome.

Point being I got a smattering of things that I don’t buy on my regular grocery runs and the cashier actually pointed this out. When she was bagging my items she said to me, “You sure have a odd assortment of things here today. I don’t know what you’re going to do with them…” I just kinda laughed nervously, as I often do. But then I started thinking about the items in my cart. Were they really that odd? You tell me. Here’s my virtual shopping cart:

-2 frozen DiGiorno pizzas of the Supreme variety
-2 boxes of Kraft Mac n’ Cheese
-Quart size freezer bags
-Parchment paper
-1 loaf size baking pan
-Comet brand granulated bleach
-Twine
-Large metal pins shaped like staples for outdoor use

I mean…..what would I do with all those things? Use the giant staples to kill someone, then dismember them and put them in quart size freezer bags and tie them together with twine, use the bleach to clean up what spilled over the parchment paper I laid down and then bake them into a meatloaf? And the pizza and Mac n’ Cheese are just for cover so I don’t look suspicious. That must be it.